life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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