I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
