she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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