just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
