AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
