I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
