I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
