1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Randomize
