member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
