Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
