I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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