you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
