he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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