And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
