worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
