My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I will pee on everything he values.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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