JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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