omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
