I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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