it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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