What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
