First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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