The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
