I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
