I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
