the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Life is so much better after having sex.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
