As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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