Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
