well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
