btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize