I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
