In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
