I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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