You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
