You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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