well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
