hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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