fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
