Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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