I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
