And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize