Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
