and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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