she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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