You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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