you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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