so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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