Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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