before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
