I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.