Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
