3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
