i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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