my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
