he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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