im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
