sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
