last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
