I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
