Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
