omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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