when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
