I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize