When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
